Digital Prayers
I broke up with social media and now I need to promote my writing through dishonest means
I’m just going to warn you ahead of time that this arrangement is meh because I’m trying to do a thing. Would it be the most blasphemous thing ever for me to conjure up a new digital temple, to send me good vibes for my industry cert and my modest writings?
First attempt. Darth Mary Agatha.
Second attempt. Sister C3PO.
I deleted Facebook, I don’t have Twitter anymore, I delete my Reddit account every 3 years to keep me honest, and I have like 20 followers on Instagram (by design). If you know me from my Discord I am named after butts. On Steam I am a eating utensil. These are not very elegant or grandiose usernames. Other people name themselves things like SuperPerson or HobbyImGoodAt and when I kill you in a video game it says “You were pwned by a Spork.” What does that say about me?
These ladies look capable but I want to dial up the power level a notch.
I don’t have grand illusions of amassing digital followers of any kind, which is a problem because this seems to be a requirement for promoting one’s Substack. So, I need all the help I can get, not through talent or effort, but through superstitious spiritual hacks. I’ll involve astrology if I have to. I’ll put crystals in my pocket. I’ll do it. Don’t push me.
I like how Bing’s Dall.e is also making her extra thicc. #realdigitalgoddesseshavecurves
Yass. Crystaline anime tiddies.
Actually, I guess I don’t care that much if I get more readers. I don’t want you to think I’m gauche and begging. I’m lucky enough to have enough friends that have subscribed. One of you lunatics even pledged actual money. I’m happy enough with this type of pointless junk-food writing, that sometimes I’ll just reread my own posts cause it releases dopamine. It’s weird and it’s stupid and it makes me happy.
Okay, let’s turn up the Japanese style a bit more and see what I g—